I Am Nothing

http://spillwords.com/i-am-nothing/

I am Nothing.
In the Nothing, I became
Something.
But eventually, I will find out
It was all for Nothing.
And in understanding it was Nothing,
I acknowledge that I always was
Everything

© 2017 Irriesse Chia

To Doubts That Cage My Craze

How do I handle my heart when it comes to him?

How do I handle the break when I think of him?

Will he accept my age, my face,

The norms appropriated by my race?

Doubts that cage my craze,

You may dissolve with my energy jails,

For my fear has been overthrown by rage.


~ Irriesse Chia
copyright 2016

Then True Love Comes - Spoken Poetry

This is the poem I was talking about in my earlier blogs. It was actually first the lyrics I wrote for a song I composed. That song is in production, still waiting for a good guitarist before I record the vocals. 

Meanwhile, I tried my hand at speaking the poem at the cool "If Walls Could Talk" poetry open mic night (IWCT). I never thought poetry could be so cool. 

Frankly speaking, for years, I always imagined poetry events to be dull and boring, attended only by a much older, conservative crowd, who huddled around sipping tea. So, I remained a closet poet for 20 years, even after getting A's writing poetry as a journalism  & writing student at Western Michigan University. 

But after chancing upon IWCT on facebook, I decided to take a chance and attend its open mic night as I was in the midst of preparing to publish my book. I guess it was about time to check out a poetry event.

It was timely to be introduced to it as I was blown away by the buzzing atmosphere, the gaslight ambience of the Gaslight Cafe, the young and the beautiful piling in wall to wall, chilling on the floor till there was no space to move through. The entire setting was a gem, exactly the little artistic performance place only found in movies, with a fresh, young and youthful, almost-international, colourful, energetic, supportive audience hanging on to every word! I didn't know there was actually an audience in KL which loved poetry, and a young audience at that! 

Here are some pics that were taken during the past few events:

#poetry #thentruelovecomes #publishing #book #poet #poem #author #spokenword #performancepoetry 

The Making of "Then True Love Comes"

This poem, "Then True Love Comes" are the lyrics I put to a song I composed years ago. 

After going around for years asking if anyone could help me write lyrics in Chinese, I decided then that I would just write them myself in English. What the heck! The world is round. 

And now this would also serve as the title of the poetry book I am planning to publish. And while discussing about a title for the book, I told my friend, A, about an episode that happened to me the night before...

I had gone with an associate to meet other friends of his for drinks. So, while chatting and getting acquainted, talking about possible plans, the one opposite of me, someone who was interested in teaming up together for business, B, had asked to see my palm. Well, it was a joyful night, with drinks flowing and endless conversations. I did not hesitate to show my palm to him in carefree impromptuness, without expecting any thunder-or-lightning moments. 

B took a quick look at my palm and promptly declared to my associate that it was alright for him to "follow me." Wow! 

Then, he took my palm again and said this to me: "You must trust, even if trusting in that someone is risky. Then, true love comes." 

Friend A whom I told this story to, jumped at the phrase "then true love comes." He promptly told me, "this is the title of your book."

I also modified the lyrics to my song, which now bears the same title.

I remembered B had repeated it then. "You must trust, even if trusting in that someone is risky. Then, true love comes."  

At first, I questioned his words. What? Trust in someone even if it's risky to? Do you know how many heartbreaks I've had? That makes no sense. You know how fragile our hearts are. And that's even worse in business. 

But after a moment, I began to see the picture. His message meant I had to open my heart and not just close it even before I get involved. Don't just turn away. Trust. Let someone in. 

I knew I had never done that before wholeheartedly. And that meant, I had never let myself know and experience who I am wholeheartedly.

Then True Love Comes

Then True Love Comes, was a title that came unexpectedly. Someone that I had just met took my palm and told me "You must trust in someone even though it is risky to trust in this person, then true love comes." 

That shocked me. This message told me that it was not only about finding that true love in someone else who will come, but it was about not trusting my own heart. And this reveals the deepest truth -- that I did not even open up to my own heart to love myself, so how could anyone else truly love me?

(No, he was not trying to hit on me. That was a gay man who took my palm.)

I have been a student of spiritual and personal development for years. The book that most impacted me years ago, when I was fervently searching for answers after my fiance left me, was Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsh. From there I was influenced by spiritual & motivational gurus and authors like Deepak Chopra, Paulo Coelho, Abraham Hicks, Bashar, Louise Hays, Pam Grout, Sonia Choquette, T. Harv Eker, Anthony Robbins, Dale Carnegie, Zig Ziglar to name a few.  

I graduated from Western Michigan University with a major in Production (Communication) and minor in Journalism. Trained in piano and ballet throughout childhood, I loved the performing arts and was a regular on stage.

For the past 20 years, I worked as a producer director of many entertainment and reality shows, from high-profile Wheel of Fortune to Fear Factor, to beauty pageants, talent competitions, reality shows, gameshows, dramas & tv movies in my home country. 

What Happened To Me

Recently, I suffered through a difficult project resulting not only in loss of money for my company but also in loss of self confidence, and found myself at one of the lowest points of my professional life, without monetary support.

It was then that I came clean with how I felt about my life. My career had not given me satisfaction for years. People know me as a Producer all my career. But I had lost my bliss. And I believe in the universal Law of Attraction which was so apparent in bringing me the negative situations that I kept facing.

I didn't only want to spend days and nights as a behind-the-scenes Producer, a stressful job managing big teams and big budgets, and being relevant only to providing services to the industry. I also wanted to touch the world through my personal experiences, beliefs and through my own creative work. This required me to go back to the rooms of past indulgence and search for bliss that has been shelved away  -- creative writing & music.

Now, with my background as a Producer, how was I going to produce my own life the way I successfully styled and branded my shows? And if our life were a movie, then each of us, surely, is the star of our life movie. How do I be the star of my own life, one who experiences True Love?

The Closet Poet

All my teenage life, from the moment I learnt to read English storybooks, I dreamt to be a writer of novels.

So, harbouring these hopes, I decided to minor in Journalism at Western Michigan University, the only minor I found that had a class in poetry/fiction writing. Yeay, I was now on the way to publishing my novel!

Professor Herb Scott was his name, and the first thing he asked us to write was a poem. A poem? I hate poems. I don’t understand what poems try to say. They are all very vague and abstract, although I did like William Blake’s poems that I had to learn during English Literature while in secondary school.

And he made us write poem after poem, class after class. This was absurd! What could I possibly achieve by writing poems?  When was the fiction writing going to start? And worse of all, I had to read them out in front of all those Americans.

I was a really shy person. Would they laugh at my English? I don’t know how to write poetry. It’s not what I signed up for! But fortunately for me, I do love the English language. It’s the only language I can read and write in fluently.

I thank my mother and my aunts for buying and borrowing me English storybooks in my childhood days. And thanks to some very close classmates who embarrassed me with their very good English, I felt challenged to improve and started borrowing storybooks from them. And I read and read.  Yes, that was what we used to do… We’d hold them under the desk during class. I’d hide storybooks inside school textbooks so that I could fool Mom when she thought I was studying in my bedroom.

But then again, what I did know about writing poetry? I didn’t understand most of the poems I had to read in school. Our teacher had to explain each word and the meaning of each line to us.

Now, back to the Professor. He even had the cheek to keep giving me A’s. What?! Exactly my feelings when I saw those A’s.

At last, we had one chance to write a short story.  But this poetry class tortured me for years, even after I graduated and went on to have a career in television, away from poetry.

Now and then, throughout the past 20 years, I would write a sprinkling of words.

I could not figure out what purpose it had in my life.

Now, many people go to university, but never ending up working in the field of their study.

Not for me. I needed to have a meaning to it. It boggled me for years.

I flirted with the idea of publishing poetry, then held back at the thought of who would buy them, also, friends would give me the stupefied look when I mention that. I thought about it, and shove it away into space. Then I thought about it again.

Coming Soon...

"Then True Love Comes" was the name I decided upon for the book. It reflects the perfect and warm end to a movie -- if our life were a movie, how will it end? As a Producer & Director who intends to make feature films, I had an epiphany to present this poetry book as examples and scenes from my life of:

1. how we are the hero and heroine of our movie

2. responding to your calling

3. the adventure that beckons and the roadblocks that you face

4. then finally, overcome defeat and return with the elixir

It will be truly unique in concept. Instead of another "how to" self-help book, each poem is a scene from my life which you can relate to as a scene in the journey of the heroine throughout the movie. Then, be inspired to ask yourself, what kind of ending do I want for the movie of my life?

Get The Closet Poet Out!

"Then True Love Comes" poetry book & song

Then True Love Comes, was a title that came unexpectedly. Someone that I was just introduced to this year looked at my palm and told me this: "You must trust in someone even though it is risky to trust in this person, then true love comes." 

That shocked me and got me realizing how my heart had been closed in fear, not only to others, but especially to myself. I am still single. And that was a gay man who took my palm.

For the past 20 years, I worked as a producer director of many entertainment and reality shows, from high-profile Wheel of Fortune to Fear Factor, to beauty pageants, talent competitions, reality shows, gameshows, dramas & tv movies in my home country. 

Last year, I struggled with a project that went through many difficulties to complete. In the process, my company lost money, which was a 6-figure amount. I found myself at one of the lowest points of my professional life, unhappy at the struggles of keeping afloat, at failing. I was lost on what to do, without any monetary support. Desperate to keep my head above water, I drummed more spiritual messages into me night and day. I was afraid to sink again. 

It was during these times, that I came clean with the way I truly felt about myself, about the dreams I had hidden away in the name of making a living while rising up in my profession.

I wanted to rebrand myself -- spiritually, mentally, emotionally. I wanted to feel like a new person, one that was not afraid anymore. I entertained the idea of stepping out into another world -- the world where I was no longer spending days and nights managing a company. I had "discovered" and given first-time opportunities for many young talent on screen who have now become celebrities in our country. But now, I was going to do the unexpected -- and that was to be the star of my own life. 

My Project

I wrote my first poem reluctantly when I was an undergraduate at Western Michigan University, in a writing class where I thought was my first step to being a great novelist. Instead, Prof made us write poems every week and read them aloud (aghast) and then gave me A's, which surprised an Asian girl like me who was afraid that my English was not even on par with the American students. 

At the end of last year, I started editing old poems and writing new ones. For more than 10 years, I had the crazy idea of publishing a book of my poetry, but I was afraid of too many things. This time, the situation is different. The urge is strong. Deep down, I knew it had to be more than just poetry. It had to send a message of inspiration to the world. Same goes for my songs. 

I dusted out the list of music that I had composed more than 10 years ago, selected one and handed it to Hanz, a young music arranger that I had worked with on my production. 

Publishing the book and songs I composed are the steps I am taking to recreate the new me. It is fulfilling the desires I have hidden away for so long -- that is to write books and record songs. I even called myself a closet poet. Heck, no, I am not a closet poet. My closet hides not a poet, not a skeleton, but a live human -- me. And I am coming out of the closet. I am not just going to publish any book or song and leave it at that. I am finding courage to step out of the shadows of insignificance to  go out to share with others my message of "self love" -- through speaking engagements, book promotion or workshops together with friends who are professional performance trainers and life coaches. 

The Concept

"Then True Love Comes" was the name I decided upon for the book. It reflects the perfect and warm end to a movie -- if our life were a movie, how will it end? As a Producer & Director who intends to make feature films, I had an epiphany to present this poetry book as examples and scenes from my life of:

1. how we are the hero or heroine of our own movie

2. responding to your calling

3. the adventure that beckons and the roadblocks that you face

4. then finally, overcome defeat and return with the elixir

It will be truly unique in concept. Instead of another "How To" self-help book, each poem is a scene from my life which you can relate to as a scene in the journey of the heroine throughout the movie. Then, be inspired to ask yourself, what kind of ending do I want for the movie of my life? 

The Impact

True love, as I have found, cannot be found except within our most open and honest self. Self love equals to our perception of self worth, which in turn leads to the way we lead our lives. 

These poems are the honest scenes of my life. If you are not living the life that you want, or achieving your deepest desires, then look within yourself and find the love you have been missing. 

This is the universal truth that I want to share -- through this book, through my songs, through my speaking engagements. By contributing, I will not only send you my creative works, you will also be a part of the coming shift that will affect many people's thinking, from despair to self belief, from darkness to light.  

What We Need & What You Get

I need a minimum of USD5,000 to get the book illustrated, book layout and printing the minimum of 1000 copies. I intend to get them printed and available by December 2015.

Your Unique Perks for supporting Then True Love Comes: 

A. $25 

• 1 digital copy of the book "Then True Love Comes"
• 1 digital copy of the song "Then True Love Comes"
• I will write a special poem for you with your name as the title. E.g. Lisa, Jack
• These will be emailed to you 

B. $50 

• 1 digital copy of the book "Then True Love Comes"
• 1 digital copy of the song "Then True Love Comes"
• 1 printed copy of the book "Then True Love Comes"
• I will write a special poem for you with your name as the title. E.g. Lisa, Jack
• These will emailed to you

C. $100 

• 1 digital copy of the book "Then True Love Comes"
• 1 digital copy of the song "Then True Love Comes"
• 2 printed copies of the book "Then True Love Comes" including international shipping charges
• I will write you 2 special poems with your names as the title. E.g. Lisa, Jack
• Other than the printed book, the rest will be emailed to you

D. $500 

• 1 digital copy of the book "Then True Love Comes"
• 1 digital copy of the song "Then True Love Comes"
• 4 printed copies of the book "Then True Love Comes" including international shipping charges
• 1 specially curated Asian gift package valued at minimum USD80, and will include international shipping charges
• I will write 2 special poems with your names as the title. E.g. Lisa, Jack, which will be printed on specially illustrated digital artwork.
• I will write you one new poem for the next 6 months
• Other than the printed book and gift package , the rest will be emailed to you

Risks & Challenges

• In Malaysia, book publishers are not open to publishing poetry as the population is not considered one that reads much, least of all English poetry. 
• But this book has to be printed to be given away or sold through speaking engagements. 
• I will also approach the local bookstores to distribute them.
• There is also a community of poetry and English readers which I can engage with through poetry open mic nights. 
• I can also ship them overseas if there is demand. I will also make them available online for international readers, and I am doing all of this by myself.

Other Ways You Can Help

With this start, I intend to continue to write, in other forms, fiction and non-fiction. I know my legacy is to inspire people, of self love, self development, and self worth. My email is irriessechia@gmail.com. Feel free to contact me.