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| Grandma, "Ah Ma"adored at her grand 90th birthday, March 2014. |
This is my darling grandmother, I call her "Ah Ma," at the last birthday we spent with her, in March 2014. According to Chinese tradition, we celebrated it as her 90th, 2 years older than her actual age. I was afraid it might be her last, even though she seemed healthy, round and jolly as always.
Fast forward one year later to Feb 10, 2015. After seeing Ah Ma take some medicine and porridge earlier that morning, Mom left to the temple to light a candle for her mother, my Ah Ma. Unexpectedly, a few hours later, Ah Ma passed away quickly around 11a.m.
Ah Ma, has for the past several years, said she was ready to go to be with Guan Yin. All her children would scold her, telling her she was talking nonsense.
Three months after her 90th birthday celebration, I noticed that she was yellow in her eyes and skin, and she was feeling more fatigue, as well as complaining that her stomach had bloated. And so began months of distress with medical treatment, a fighting period for her and for all of us. She seemed to be recovering again after our illustrious Christmas 2014 and New Year's Eve 2015 with her.
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| New Year's Eve 2015 celebration with Ah Ma. Our goddess Guan Yin & other gods at the altar behind. |
Throughout the past few years of my life, I've had a desperation to know the Divine energies, believing that when I get my spiritual concepts right, all my life will fall into place. But our family's experience with Ah Ma's connection to the Guan Yin pushes us, and myself, to acknowledge my ties, without a doubt, to a spiritual world that we do not completely understand.
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| A giant statue of Guan Yin in China |
From an early age, our family altar always had Guan Yin, the Goddess of Mercy, the loving mother of children and kind protector of our family. However, I could not confirm my beliefs in the deities (仙 －“Xian” in Chinese, also translated as Fairies) that the Chinese families pray to. Did they actually exist? Or mere legendary myths, if not some kind of unexplainable, fictitious spirits categorized under the Taoist religion? I was not the most faithful practitioner in lighting joss sticks for them.
In my early adulthood, I was also a firm Jesus Christ believer, and I scoured further in my attempt to reach out to the God of our universe. Being very Westernized in my education and thoughts, I had no real connection to these Chinese gods and goddesses, which my Christian leaders and peers treated as anti-Christian beliefs.
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Channeling Little Fairy
Before I let you in on more amazing stories, let me introduce you to some family members and spiritual beings (仙 －“Xian” in Chinese）that have been part of our spiritual amazement.
There are 2 women folks in my family who have manifested spiritual connections with the fairy world for the past few years.
My 2nd Aunt (my Mom being the eldest, so this was her 2nd younger sister of 6 daughters & 3 sons in the family), has visited the temple of Tai Shang Lao Jun 太上老君 since I was a little girl.
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| 太上老君 Tai Shang Lao Jun |
Who is this god? I don't know really. But he is mentioned as one of the senior deities who might have been the originator of the Tao beliefs. He is supposedly a very firm god who governs the other more junior deities and fairies.
Several years ago, a Little Female Fairy 小仙女 (Xiao Xian Nu) has been coming through my 2nd Aunt (channelled may be another better word).
The Little Fairy refers to her Sifu (Master) as Tai Shang Lao Jun 太上老君. So she must be his follower. How is Tai Shang Lao Jun 太上老君 & Guan Yin connected? They are of the same realm, which I am still learning about.
(Below is an image I borrowed from the web, because this photo of an actress potraying a fairy in a TV drama makes it easier for me to explain the being I have encountered. I cannot share any videos that I have accidentally shot of my 2nd Aunt when the Little Fairy came through her, for privacy's sake. It might even scare the skeptics in you!)
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A borrowed & perceived likeness of Xiao Xian Nu 小仙女 －－
follower of 太上老君 Tai Shang Lao Jun |
When Little Fairy comes, there is no grand entrance. My 2nd Aunt just speaks in a tiny, high-pitched female voice. Little Fairy often observes what's going on, has a conversation with us, and expresses herself like a cute teenage girl would.
She has come to let my cousin sister know that her late mother, who passed away from cancer about 10 years ago, was happily playing mahjong in the afterlife with her many friends!
She came and scolded Grandma last Chinese New Year, before her 90th birthday, that she was talking nonsense about wanting to die soon. Little Fairy told her she had to live to a hundred years old then Guan Yin will bring her to heaven to be a Fairy.
During Ah Ma's funeral, Little Fairy appeared many times, to give her piece of mind to all our family to stop arguing with each other, not to talk nonsense, gossip or complain loudly, as this defiles any blessings of prosperity. She scolded all Ah Ma's daughters to stop crying, as Ah Ma was already happily with Guan Yin in a beautiful place with plenty of flowers.
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Connecting with 7th Fairy
My mom's younger sister-in-law, let's call her my Aunty N, cannot channel any spiritual being. But several years ago, she was destined to meet a man from China who channeled the 7 Fairies 七仙女 （Qi Xian Nu).
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| A dramatic film about the 7 Fairies |
The 7th Fairy, the youngest, smartest and most beautiful of them, apparently had a connection with Aunty N, knowing that she had a growth in her stomach, without Aunty N telling anyone there about it.
Thereafter, 7th Fairy regarded Aunty N as her sister, and Aunty N could often call on 7th Fairy when she wanted relief from any pain, or just to have a conversation. 7th Fairy would appear in spirit and even when nobody was there, Aunty N could sense her presence, hear her talking beside her ear.
And once, at Aunty N's request to see her, 7th Fairy revealed herself in Aunty N's dream -- a vision of beauty. Aunty N could even describe the colour of her clothes.
One morning, 7th Fairy appeared to Aunty N, informing her that her mother-in-law, my Ah Ma, was terribly ill and it was time to bring her to heaven. Aunty N was shocked and said she had not packed yet. They live 5 hours away by car.
But 7th Fairy said they could not wait, as it was already the 22nd day (in the Chinese calendar) before the coming Chinese New Year (Feb 19, 2015 was the 1st day of the Chinese New Year). By the 24th day, apparently, all the gods and goddesses must report home to heaven, and heaven's gates would close until the 2nd day of Chinese New Year... so they must take Grandma with them to be in time.
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Grandma's last Chinese New Year with us in 2014.
She was ushered to heaven 10 days before Chinese New Year 2015. |
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The Presence of Tai Shang Lao Jun
Ah Ma passed away on 10th of Feb, and the family decided to hold her burial on the 5th day. Some families choose 3 days or 5 days, so we chose 5 so that other family members and relatives could have time to pay their last respect. For those who have lived a good, long life, the Chinese usually hold the wakes for more number of days.
Little Fairy came to advise many times through 2nd Aunt. She chided aunties on crying. "You will go blind from crying too much." "Your mother is in heaven so you should not cry." "If you don't stop crying, I will make it so that you cannot follow to the burial!"
Then, on the evening of the 4th day, the day before Ah Ma's burial, the Taoist monks who came to led us in nightly chanting, requested her daughters for the combing hair ceremony, a sending off before her coffin is nailed shut.
An unexpected coming during that short ceremony, 2nd Aunt, standing at the head of the coffin, started speaking in a firm and forceful voice, and her hands ceremoniously moved about like an ancient scholar or general.
In Mandarin, the voice bellowed, "You all should not cry. Your mother is already in heaven. So you should be sending her off in joy."
Another aunt asked, "Who are you?"
The voice coming through my 2nd Aunt introduced himself, "I am Tai Shang Lao Jun." Then with his last pose, he left 2nd Aunt, and her shoulders relaxed.
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Ah Ma came on the 4th Day of her funeral
Later on the 4th day, Aunty N meditated and requested 7th Fairy to let her see Ah Ma.
After the combing hair ceremony, we were sitting outside the house under the tents, as usual folding our paper gold to burn for Ah Ma's burial day. Aunty N sat on my right, and both of us happened to be overlooking the house, where Ah Ma's commemorative altar faced us, which placed her photo, lighted candles & joss sticks, bowls of rice, vegetable and Chinese tea.
Aunty N suddenly whispered to me that 7th Fairy had come and there were many spirit warriors around us that had accompanied her. And she had brought Ah Ma. Unlike stories of ghostly beings who loiter among us, a spiritual being like Ah Ma, it seems, cannot enter our homes without Guan Yin's consent. So therefore, upon Aunty N's request, 7th Fairy had to get the consent from Guan Yin to bring Ah Ma to us.
Aunty N desribed to me, "I can see Ah Ma now. She is eating. Now she is talking to 7th Fairy. She seems to be healthy." (I have no idea how spirits taste or eat our food offerings, but they have told us that they do eat our food, but they did not say how.)
Aunty N spoke to the 7th Fairy. We can't see who she is speaking to, but she spoke aloud and seemed to be having a conversation, not only with the 7th Fairy but later, she asked permission and spoke with Ah Ma too!
"Ah Ma, do you still feel pain?"
"Oh, you're healed now."
"Yes, there's not as many people here tonight as yesterday night." (refering to the visitors that came to pay their respects every day. It was a Friday night).
Aunty N turned to me, "Ah Ma has always been conscious even when she passed away. She knows what's going on."
Then back to face Ah Ma's altar.
"So you like the white blouse that 2nd Sister (2nd Aunt) made for you. Oh, you want to bring it with you and wear it over there? I will tell her that."
And then, Ah Ma left.
2nd Aunt was a tailor and always made Ah Ma's clothes for her. She made the white blouse for this Chinese New Year but had forgotten to bring it over. So she could only place it on Ah Ma's coffin along with 2 other blouses that other aunts had bought for her Chinese New Year.
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Ah Ma's Reminders of Love
Ah Ma was buried the next day, on February 14, Valentine's Day.
We had a commemorative prayer on the 49th Day, also in conjunction with her birthday in March.
And finally, we had 100-Day Ceremony on May 20th. Mom, who also works as the assistant registrar of marriages had her hands full registering marriages that day as she said it was "I Love You" Day.
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100-Day Ceremony
On 20th May, we had a 100-day prayer ceremony for Ah Ma's passing. My family overflowed 2 square tables with food in front of Ah Ma and Ah Kong's (Grandpa) altar.
In prayer at home or at the temple, after praying or saying our desire & request to the deity, we usually toss 2 coins or 2 shengbei to find out if our desire or request will be successful. When the coins land head & tail, the answer is "yes." If it's either both heads or both tails, then the answer is no, then you can try again.
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| head & tail of coins |
After several attempts with coins by my aunties and uncle, at last the coins landed head & tail, to show that Ah Ma has agreed to come to taste the food prepared for her.
As we all sat around, Little Fairy spoke through 2nd Aunt. She said that she could see Ah Ma eating. (I have no idea how). And there are others with her. Like Ah Kong. Like my cousin's mom who passed away who lived in this same house.
Little Fairy then said, ask Guan Yin if she could let Ah Ma talk to us after she finishes eating. So because she asked us to use the wooden shengbei, and there were none at home, another aunt went off to buy it. Little Fairy then left.
When my aunt came home with the shengbei, she immediately faced Guan Yin's statue and asked if Guan Yin would let Ah Ma talk to us. We were laughing because we wondered if Guan Yin understood English. We have to assume she is international. The moment the shengbei was dropped on the ground, it turned onto this position: one facing up and the other facing down, which is a resounding YES!
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| head & tail of "shengbei" used to indicate prayer results |
Immediately, I heard 2nd Aunt seated beside me lean towards me sobbing, with big tears rolling down her cheeks. She started to speak in Hokkien. Oh my, is it really Ah Ma talking through her? She couldn't stop crying. And neither could we.
Ah Ma reached out to touch everyone there, and she asked for everyone to come. She said, Guan Yin let her come to talk to us. She had left us so fast. And it was time to go.
So we bombarded her with questions, and she answered. Even though it was 2nd Aunt in person, but whatever that was spoken through her mouth was like the Ah Ma that I knew. (How I wish I could have remembered to video everything... but I was crying and I couldn't think about anything except the chance to talk to Ah Ma).
"Are you well now?"
(Smile) "Yes, Guan Yin has healed me. It was mostly this stomach of mine that was the problem. Now it is fine." (Due to supposedly liver or kidney failing, and signs of cancerous cells, Ah Ma's stomach had bloated in the past several months before her death. We brought her to the hospital to pump out twice almost 3 litres of fluid. And she wasn't able to walk.)
"Ah Ma, what do you do everyday?" I asked.
(Smile bigger). "Guan Yin taught me how to chant. Sometimes, I can't catch up as I can't remember."
又是也念不到啦 (u si ya liam bo la) 。。。(Haha, so funny. Just the way Ah Ma used to talk in Hokkien. She never did chant before, although she has listened to the chanting melodies my cousin has recorded for her.) "Guan Yin gave me a place to sit. Before I went there to heaven, Guan Yin already showed me this place. It's very cooling and pleasant. I like it very much." （wa ya ka yi la...)
Yes, Ah Ma was a spiritual believer, and especially in Guan Yin. She told us once, perhaps 2 years before her death, that she dreamed Guan Yin took her to heaven and showed her a table and a chair. Guan Yin told her she would come and sit here next time.
I had been horrified. I thought if there was a heaven, wasn't it about playing in the clouds all day long? Why, do you have to go to an office in heaven and work? Or as a friend had asked, is there a school there?
Well, perhaps, in heaven, these fairies or saints do indeed work.
Ah Ma told us not to cry. She told the 2nd Aunt whose body she was talking through not to cry every night in silence. She had come through 2nd Aunt one night and spoke to my cousin with some of these same messages. 2nd Aunt had cried non-stop and as it was the birthday of Guan Yin, she was allowed to come through and speak.
She told 3rd Aunt that she was thankful for her who accompanied her, sleeping at the hospital night after night.
She told my other cousin Aunt whom she took care of since she was a baby, if you want to call me Godmother, please don't call me 5th Aunt again.
She told another cousin to eat more because she was stick-like thin. She told another cousin she was sorry that she couldn't attend her wedding.
She told my mom not to work too hard as Ah Ma worried about her health. She told my mom and dad to take care of each other. She told me that my parents would need to depend on me in the future.
She told my 6th Aunt not to live apart from her children. My 6th Uncle told Ah Ma he had bought a new Mercedez. So Ah Ma said she was not fortunate to be able to sit in the new car.
On funny questions, my 3rd Aunt mentioned that she had just returned from a short holiday in Japan. Every night, she dreamed about Ah Ma. She asked if Ah Ma had truly gone with her? Ah Ma smiled and said, you're thinking too much, you are missing me too much. Cousin aunt asked if she could win the lottery. Ah Ma said, it depends on your luck.
I asked if I could win the lottery again. Ah Ma looked at me and said, "Keep buying your car number." Ahahahaha...
Ah Ma said in heaven, they have to watch their words and are not to simply joke around, as they have to be sincere with what they say.
Ah Ma told us not to cry. She was fine. And it looked like she had work to do...(maybe she was busy following Guan Yin on her missions). She said she would not come to us again in the near future, perhaps not for another year. But anytime that we wanted to talk to her, we could light joss sticks and face to the south.
After a good few minutes with her, she said she was going. And 2nd Aunt's body slumped into relaxed mode.
Her goodbye left us fulfilled and comforted that she would always be watching over us and she is indeed our Fairy.
